


All I Wanted

by ISeeAMivyShipperAndIFloorIt



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: F/M, M/M, Matt Lloyd Character Study, idk where this one came from, kinda dark honestly, using lines from the musical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22151506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ISeeAMivyShipperAndIFloorIt/pseuds/ISeeAMivyShipperAndIFloorIt
Summary: Matt had always wanted to be Romeo. When Sister Chantelle had announced that they would be doing Romeo and Juliet as their school play a month ago, Matt instantly knew that he should play Romeo and Ivy should play Juliet.
Relationships: Jason McConnell/Ivy Robinson, Jason McConnell/Peter Simmonds, Matt Lloyd/Ivy Robinson
Kudos: 12





	All I Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a song from Daughter. I wrote this entire thing in my study hall help

“Just like that, huh?”

Matt had always wanted to be Romeo. When Sister Chantelle had announced that they would be doing Romeo and Juliet as their school play a month ago, Matt instantly knew that he should play Romeo and Ivy should play Juliet. It would be absolutely perfect, and might have even made Ivy develop some sort of mutual feelings for Matt. She was the exact kind of sweet Catholic girl his parents wanted him to eventually marry. So really, who does Jason think he is to come in and steal the big spotlight like that? Matt is supposed to be Romeo, not Tybalt. What even made Jason decide to audition anyways? He’s not into theater, at all. Then again, knowing Jason, it was probably his best friend, Peter, who had pushed him to audition. Him and Jason met when Peter was 8 years old and showed up to St. Cecilia’s, and they’d been inseparable ever since. Peter was really into theater too, so really it made a lot of sense that he was the one who hounded Jason to join the cast. So Peter was actually who Matt had to thank for losing the perfect opportunity to finally win over Ivy. But Jason was still the one who was just naturally better than Matt in seemingly every way. Matt had tried everything he could to make himself stand out next to Jason, and it never worked out like that. It felt like he always managed to push himself further into the shadows by desperately trying to climb out.

“Can a sin be right?”

Matt still didn’t entirely understand what he saw. All he knew was that he had left the rave to check on Ivy, and he had seen Peter and Jason acting as...more than friends. Matt had been told that was wrong for as long as he could remember. After all, “If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.” It had only ever been mentioned in passing, but with such vehement ferocity that Matt had never dared question it. But there was Jason, the star student of St. Cecilia’s, kissing another boy. Was Jason some kind of exception? Or was that ‘sin’ not as wrong as he had once thought? There had to be some kind of reason. Jason would never so openly go against God; he was better than that, as much as Matt hated to admit it. So, he did what he had always been taught to do when something was wrong, and went to Father. When he indirectly asked about Jason, he got a response that solidified his childhoods beliefs. Jason had actually knowingly committed an absolutely atrocious sin, and he didn’t seem sorry for it in the least. It made Matt angrier than he cared to admit. The one student who had constantly been better than him at absolutely everything had this one dirty little secret that Matt now knew. Quite frankly, the entire school deserved to know that their star student was a sinner, but now was not the time.

“I know there's love lying there.”

Matt knew that Ivy loved him, or at least had the ability to. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He unconditionally loved Ivy, never put her down for her ‘reputation’, and tried to always be there for her when he could. What else did she want? He wished Ivy would just tell him, because then he could at least accommodate to that. Ivy was the perfect girl for him, and he was the perfect guy for her, didn’t she see that? Sure, she had made mistakes just like every other person, but to Matt she was more than redeemable and still perfect. He just had to know what was holding her back from loving him. The only thing Matt could think of was that she already had feelings for someone else. He hated to think that, but he gave Ivy everything and she seemed to just brush him aside. It was the only thing that made sense. But who? Matt had tried to notice when Ivy glanced at any of the other boys for a suspiciously long time, and the only thing he picked up on was maybe a couple more quick looks than what’s normal at Jason. The thought of Ivy having feelings for Jason instead of him left a bitter taste in his mouth. But of course that’s what would happen. Jason got everything he wanted, so why not the perfect girl too?

“Look, I'm going to bed. I'll catch you later, alright?”

If Matt didn’t already know about Jason’s big secret, he definitely did now. Peter had just told him that not only were him and Jason together, but that Peter loved him. Loved him? It can’t be possible. A man sleeping with another man is possible, and a sin at that, but a man loving another man can’t happen. What Peter is feeling can only be false ideas; his perception is skewed by living in sin for who knows how long. But now, as terrible as it sounded, Matt had even more to hold against Jason now. He wasn’t just kissing Peter at raves because he was bored, they were in a relationship. Maybe exposing Jason could finally get Ivy to go to him too. She had good Catholic values and Jason entirely went against those. He didn’t seem like he wanted to change either, which to Matt made the whole thing worse. Jason was playing a risky game, and one day it would come back to bite him.

“Faggot!”

Jason thought he was so great. He was so sure that he could come in here and play his part, with no one having any clue as to what he was really like. Well, Matt would show him that he can’t hide forever. Someone besides his little boyfriend knew about the secret he was trying so hard to keep covered up. Nobody else would know quite yet, but Jason would get the message clear enough that Matt knew everything. Maybe he’d learn and finally leave Peter and that sinful relationship behind. Or maybe he’d be stupid enough to keep Peter, and just try to hide them better. Either way, if Jason ever stepped over a line with Matt he had a way to get back at the one boy who had only ever rose above Matt.

“And I'm not letting go of what we had so you should know that I will find you, I'll remind you you were once my one.”

Him and Ivy had to have had something. All of those kisses and hugs Ivy gave him can’t just mean nothing. But Ivy had been ignoring him so much. Ever since she had pushed him to the side in favor of Jason at her party. It didn’t take a genius to see that Matt’s fears were confirmed. Ivy had clear feelings for Jason and didn’t want Matt anymore, if she ever did at all. But how could she just use him like that? Act so affectionate with him and then toss him to the side like garbage the second she found someone she deemed better. Matt didn’t even know her reasons for being so physical with him anymore. Did she actually have an interest in him, or had it just been out of boredom? It felt...gross to think that Ivy had just used him like that. He tried so hard to stand out to her, and to be the best guy she could ever want, but she never seemed to care about that. Really, what it felt like was that Ivy only stuck around him because he was attractive to her. It didn’t look like it was the same way with Jason though. With the way Ivy looked at him, Matt knew that she felt something deeper than a physical attraction for Jason. But he could still win Ivy back, and make her realize that Matt was still the better guy for her. He knew things about Jason that Ivy didn’t even consider happening.

“But he's already in love with a boy.”

Matt couldn’t help it. He just got so angry seeing Jason give Ivy false hope like that. Matt knew how it felt, Ivy had done the same thing to him. But she didn’t deserve that. What she did deserve was the truth, however much it may hurt. And it had to be fate or something that Matt was walking into the auditorium right as Jason told Ivy he could love her, right? He was meant to say something, and so he did. At the very least, it was nice to rip that smug mask off of Jason’s face. The one thing he didn’t want anyone to know was now out there. Maybe, if Matt was lucky, Ivy would come back to him, the person she was meant to be with from the start.

“Ivy's pregnant and your boyfriend's the dad, so what does that make you?”

Matt really just couldn’t stop himself. He revealed Jason’s secret, and he couldn’t stop spiraling and telling everyone the truth. He couldn’t stand the lies everyone in St. Cecilia’s told anymore. The little lies, like denying you were out past curfew, and the big ones, like Jason’s. Matt knew if he didn’t step in and tell Peter what was going on with Jason and Ivy right then and there, Peter would only hear more of those lies. But the look on Peter’s face when he said it made him immediately want to take it back. Peter looked so...hurt. Like some kind of wounded animal that had been backed into a corner, knowing it was going to die. But that look was gone almost as soon as it came, and Peter switched to anger. Controlled anger, but it was obvious. And of course Peter jumped to denial. More of the lies. Matt couldn’t back down, everyone needed to know the truth. The full truth.

“I'd like to start with just a... If we could take a moment... If maybe we were silent, or we had spoken... I tried to find the words to... Just the right quotation... But I must confess I came up empty.”

Matt didn’t know what to say. He should have a whole speech prepared, just like everyone else. He could talk about the good memories he had of Jason being a great person, and how he was so sad Jason was gone. But he just couldn’t. He couldn’t look back on the good times, because there were none. He had never bothered to spend time with Jason as a person rather than a rival. Every memory he had of Jason was full of animosity, rage, and now guilt. And of course Matt was sad Jason was gone, everyone was. But it was different with Matt. This was his fault, and he knew it. He’s the one who exposed Jason’s secret, and told Peter the truth about him and Ivy. Maybe if he had just stayed quiet, not been so desperate to get the upper hand in their petty high school rivalry, Jason would be here now. He had craved the chance to finally be the shining star in this class, and now he was. But this isn’t how he wanted it. He was the star, but he had gotten blood on his hands and put remorse into his heart for the rest of his life to get here. Great, he was the best. It would earn him maybe an approving slap on the back from his father, and small compliments from distant relatives. The death of a human being for that. Looking back, it wasn’t worth it. None of it had been. If Matt had the option to change it, he would’ve never been so venomous to Jason to begin with. In a better world, Matt and Jason were good friends and didn’t fight for the top spot, they congratulated whoever got it with true compassion. But that was another world after all. In this one, Matt had no friends left, the weight of a dead teenager on his back, and absolute cluelessness about where to go from here.


End file.
